Top 5 Reasons Changes Don't Stick.
1. You Are Not Clear.
In order for real change to take root in our lives, we need to be crystal clear. What we want has to be vivid and spelled out. It needs to be simple and straight forward. It needs to be felt not only in your mind but in your body too. Do you know what it would feel like to get what you want? Because feeling that is HUGE.
2. You are overwhelmed.
Making changes stick is all about the feasibility of the goal. Do you actually believe you can do it? Do you have a plan? If so it needs to be broken down into manageable pieces. Otherwise? Freak outs, sabotage and various other ways to get you to NOT be interested in change. You can't be constructive when you are overwhelmed. So take the time and break things down, down, down.
3. You aren't safe
We all live in an ecology that keeps us stuck and stable. It is meant for protection but often it can feel stagnant. When you entertain the idea of something new, you also invite the possibility of losing something known. Is this safe? Probably not. If it were, you would not be experiencing so much back-sliding. So. How do you ease into the newness of change without massive triggering? You do it slowly, with curiosity and and kindness. You ask yourself a lot of precise questions to uncover what is not safe about change.
4. You aren't in agreement.
We are made up of many different parts. And when you want to make changes, all those various "members" need to be on board otherwise the change will be met with aggression, sabotage or defiance. You need to get agreement across the various parts of your unconscious. This means holding meetings and letting everyone have a voice. Can you do that? Can you allow those who have felt afraid and silenced to speak?
5. Your loyalty is divided.
We all learn very early how the world works and what we need to do to sustain love. What did you learn? If what you want and what you learned conflict, then the change you want cannot occur no matter how many positive affirmations you say. Your loyalty is always first and foremost to love, safety and belonging. And you changing, changes the parameters of that love, safety and belonging. So? Where do your loyalties lie? And what do they silently or not so silently ask of you in how you live and experience life?
Change is possible. The life you want is there waiting for you to claim it. But you have to be realistic about why you have not gotten traction. It is not complex but simple. It is not about force of will but about acceptance, understanding and resourcing. It is also about belief. Do you believe you have the right to want what you want? Deep down? Then let's get to work. And don't worry it will be fun. ;)