Intimacy is about secrets.
Dr. Kelly Flanagan, a marriage therapist writes that true intimacy is not the absence of boundaries but the absence of secrets. The stuff we hide is the stuff that needs to be seen, heard and acknowledged. But we can't do that with another if we are not being open and honest with ourselves.
Before I turned 40, I was not honest with myself. I spent a lot of time finding ways to distract myself, overload myself, keep myself busy in an effort to not hear my own yearnings. I was so sad. But I had no space for that, no time for that, no use for what was secret. I used to think self-reflection was selfish and self-indulgent. Yes, I was that mean. But the secrets we keep from even ourselves hold the best treasures. In facing my true feelings, I finally freed myself from a prison I had created. And so can you. It's only a thought away. But you have to be willing to really look at and ask about what you keep secret.
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