When I Was Asleep

I thought I was preparing.  But I was only diminishing. 

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     Back when I was asleep in my life, I used to see darkness around every curve in the road, around every bend.  I constructed future scenarios that ended badly with a lot of heart ache.  I thought I was protecting myself.   I thought I was preparing my loved ones.  I felt a future of a known bad was better than a future totally unknown.

     Had bad things ever happened to me?  Yes.  But what I see now is that by creating future bad endings, I was simply robbing the present of its peace.   I felt no better prepared when bad things did happen.  And to be honest, they usually didn't materialize at all.  So what was the point?  This was a learned behavior that I have spent a lot of time unlearning.   But it can be done.  Freedom is a thought away. 

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