Being called "needy" is a big insult in our culture. We retract and pull away from it. We look down on needy people. We might even feel a little nauseous if we think other people view us as needy.
What does it mean to be needy? When I really tried to decode full- blown neediness, I came upon several things. In the grip of neediness there is an impairment of self-agency, expectations and boundaries. Needy people seem to ask too much, take too much and contribute too little. There is no balance of give and take. But many of us are so afraid that we will be branded needy, we deny we have any needs at all. These two things are not the same.
We all need. We all need other people, other things. No one is an island. To try and deny need is to cut yourself off from your human heart and to invite in bitterness and resentment. Strength is not found in having no needs. Strength is found in honesty, love and connection, in community and honor even in the face of turmoil and pain. So are you needy or do you just have needs? It is actually easy to find out. Will you?
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