When you really come to love....
I used to be aware of death but not particularly concerned with it on a personal level. From my experiences as a child, I knew it was coming for all of us. But I found it a little foreign when I would hear people in movies say "I don't want to die!" I didn't want to die either but I also knew at some point I would.
Then as I entered my 40s something started to shift. I started to fall in love..... with myself. Yes, I know how that sounds. But I started to have so much appreciation for this body of mine. How hard it works, how it never lets me down. Even when it's sick, it gives everything. It tries over and over. I started to just love it. And that love started to spill over onto myself in general. My fears, and my oddness, my sense of humor and self-talk, my feet and the way I walk. All of it. And then death started to look not so neutral anymore.
I felt protective over my sweet self in ways I had not before. Ah, so this is self-love and this is death. Oh, I get it so much more now. This is how many people feel towards their body. At first it looked like a definite downside to self-love. But a funny thing happened at the same time. I became full of compassion also. For me, for you, for all of us. We are all in this together tending these bodies, living these fragile and resilient lives. So is it a downside? Or the tenderness that comes from a deeper knowing? Maybe it's up to you.
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